Autopsy Results

Kasey and I visited with Sammy's doctor last week. He said he received the autopsy results for Sammy. Apparently she died of a rare combination of RSV and Influenza A which caused sleep apnea. She just went to sleep. She didn't suffer. She wasn't in pain. She just took her final breath and slipped peacefully away.

Dr Y had been on the phone all morning with doctors from the CDC and Infectious Disease Specialists. What they told him was that the combination of the 2 diseases was too much for her little body to handle. It hit her hard and fast--she died within 72 hours of her first symptoms. I guess the thing that brought me the most comfort was when Dr Y said that even if Sammy had been in the hospital, the chances of her surviving were extremely slim.

What a blessing to know that if she had to die, she did it in our home where she was surrounded by the people who loved her most! What a blessing that she didn't die alone in a cold, sterile hospital hooked up to machines!

As I look back on the past 2 months I see so clearly how the Lord has prepared us to deal with this tragedy. And when I think of those things, I begin to feel at peace.

Aching For My Baby

My lips long to kiss [her] brow
My eyes yearn to see
My arms ache to call [her] back, to hold close to me.

These are words from the song sung at Sammy's funeral on Friday. They have never felt truer than tonight. I want so desperately to hold her and rock her and sing to her. To kiss her little head and nuzzle my nose in her neck. I miss her smell, her toes, her warmth. I miss her cry and how she still squeaked when she slept. I would give anything to change one more poopy diaper or be puked on one more time. I wish I had given her just one more bath or kissed her just one more time or held her for just one more minute. I miss my Sammy!

My Sammy

Born: January 15, 2011

Died: March 13, 2011

Our sweet Sammy returned to heaven on Sunday. We are devastated. Never in a million years would I think this is something we would have to endure. I feel like this nightmare belongs to someone else and wish I could wake up from what surely must be a dream.

We cherish every moment we had with Sammy and every picture that was taken; although, now it feels like there aren't enough of either.

I know there are questions about how she died. We have an idea what happened, but until we get the final autopsy report I don't want to say anything.

If I may, I ask you to please pray for our family. The help of our loving Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ is the only way we will be able to make it through this.