10 Months: Baby Steps

Kimberly loves the little doll stroller that is in the following video. For a while she has been pushing it along while she crawls on her knees. A few days ago she got brave and started pushing it while she tentatively takes baby steps. I took videos for 10 minutes before I got her taking these three steps. But after her fall, she didn't want anything else to do with the stroller. I'm so mean, but I laugh every time I watch this.

Motivation: I Need Some

I think this may have been the longest I've ever gone without blogging. Unfortunately, this is not a post full of updates or pictures; although, I do have many of both to share.

I just can't get myself to be motivated enough to do either. To be perfectly honest, I don't have the motivation to do much of anything lately. I do just enough dishes, laundry, grocery shopping and other housework to get by. I haven't been caught up on any of that in weeks. If I could stay in bed all day every day, I probably would.

Ugh! I just can't pull myself out of this funk I'm in. What is wrong with me?!

When I am feeling like myself again you can look forward to posts and pictures about my birthday, the Pioneer Woman's book signing, being stalked, Halloween, and some other random goings on.

Curls!!!

This

plus this

equals this
and this
and this.

I just got these awesome curlers last weekend. I absolutely love them!

Sunday Secret

I love PostSecret, and read it faithfully every Sunday. One of my favorite secrets:

You shouldn't give up.
Fight for yourself and
who you are. You've got
to go through the worst
times in life to get the best.

It is now hanging on my fridge.

This One Is Probably Only Interesting If You Went to School With Me

I was looking through some pictures on my computer and found this priceless gem. It's a picture from one of my 1st grade programs. I sure was cute 20 years ago!

Miss Independent

I've noticed something about blogging. When I used to post something every day, it was easy to find things to blog about. But when I don't post anything for a while, I have a really hard time thinking of something that I want to say or thinking of things that I deem blog worthy. Does this happen to anyone else, or is it just me?

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Makayla is in an interesting stage. She is on the fence between wanting to declare her independence and wanting me by her side for everything. And it's a day to day thing. Sometimes an hour to hour thing. I first noticed it about six months ago. It started with little things: picking out her own clothes, zipping up her own jacket, pouring her own drink.

But her need for more independence has increased dramatically since she started kindergarten last month. I've been taking it in stride for the most part. Obviously there are some things I will not let her do on her own, but I try to allow her as much freedom as I am comfortable with. It's sad to see my little girl grow up, but at the same time it's really handy that she can do so much by herself.

The one that got me, though, happened earlier this week. On Monday morning, we were running soooo behind. I tossed all the kids in the car to drive Makayla to school. --Yes, we were so late that we didn't have the time to walk 1 block to school. It was actually faster to load three kids in car seats and drive over. How sad is that?!-- Anyway, I pulled up to the front doors of the school. I asked Makayla if she thought she could get to her class by herself. She hesitated, but said, "Yeah!"

She hopped out of the car and ran 10 steps. She turned around and waved. She ran another 10 steps and turned around again to make sure I was watching her. I rolled down the window and hollered at her to run to class. She ran the rest of the way to the front doors and turned around one more time. With a big smile and an air-blown kiss, she disappeared behind the door.

The next morning we were actually on time. But regardless of our punctual arrival at the school, Makayla did not want me to take her to class. She said to me in the car, "Mom, you can just stay in the car. I can go all by myself." I knew she could. I watched her do it the day before. But it kind of broke my heart a little bit watching her run to the school without once turning around to wave. For a minute it felt like she didn't need me anymore.

The longer Makayla is in kindergarten, the more she realizes just how much she can do on her own. She has to--the teacher has 20 other kids to help. She can't give one-on-one attention to Makayla all day. So while it's nice that she is becoming so independent, I'm still just a little sad to watch my baby grown up.

I think I had that same cheesy grin in my kindergarten picture.

My Worst Nightmare Coming True

I sure love this little girl. She brings out so many emotions in me from bust-a-gut laughter to pull-out-my-hair frustration and everything in between. Since Makayla started school, Ellie has become my little shadow. She follows me around the house as I complete my daily chores. She asks to cook with me. She wants to put make-up on when I do mine. She wants to curl her hair when I curl mine. Sometimes she even insists on wearing the same color shirt as me. She's my little mini-me.

So imagine the sheer terror that filled me when she got lost over the weekend. We were at a huge park. There were 6 soccer games and 1 foot ball game going on, with additional players and their parents waiting around the practice field. There were literally hundreds of people around us. I was taking care of Kimberly and when I turned around to check on my older girls, Ellie was nowhere to be found.

I thought she was with Makayla checking out the horses in the field behind us. Nope. I stood up and looked around. Couldn't see her. Hollered at Kasey to see if he knew where she was. When he said he hadn't seen her in a little while, I started to get really nervous. After looking up and down the sidelines with no sign of her, I started to panic. I grabbed Kimberly, and Kasey grabbed Makayla. We went in opposite directions looking for a little brown-haired girl in a black & orange shirt.

After each of us made a lap around the park without seeing her, we started asking help of the people around us. There were a dozen or more of us searching among hundreds of people. Kasey told me to start asking everyone. But every time I asked someone if they had seen her, I started to cry. And every time those people told me they hadn't seen her, I cried harder.

I tried not to think that someone had taken her. I tried so hard to remain positive that we would find her. But with every gut-wrenching minute that passed, I got more and more worried.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of searching, I spotted her across one of the soccer fields cradled tightly in Kasey's arms. I ran faster than I have ever run before. I grabbed Ellie and held her close to me and just sobbed. In that moment I felt so many emotions: happiness for finding her, anger for her running away; fear for what could have happened, comfort for what didn't.

Since that incident I have scarcely let Ellie out of my sight. I can't bear to think of all the awful things that could have happened to her. And today when she left my sight in the store, those same feelings of complete terror overwhelmed me. You may have thought I was a paranoid mother before, but you haven't seen anything yet.